


It's a conspiracy!

by FlamingLeaf



Series: I am not believing it [1]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Brother Complex, Conspiracy Theories, Conspiracy Theorist Uchiha Sasuke, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-28
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-12 19:49:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29764725
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FlamingLeaf/pseuds/FlamingLeaf
Summary: It had to be a conspiracy. There was no way Itachi, his older brother had killed his clan.In which Sasuke's conspiracy theories are scarily accurate, unless they aren't.But at least he found his kidnapped brother and ended up saving the world.(One-shot)
Series: I am not believing it [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2197059
Comments: 12
Kudos: 62





	It's a conspiracy!

**Author's Note:**

> Complete and utter silliness.
> 
> No Zetsu, No Kaguya.

## It's a conspiracy!

It had to be a conspiracy.

There was no way Itachi, _his_ _older brother_ had killed his clan.

Sasuke was convinced that it was just one big misunderstanding.

Someone had probably henged into his beloved brother and done the deed while wearing his face and added a genjutsu on top of it.

And now Itachi, his _beloved older brother_ , was missing.

Probably kidnapped to keep quiet.

He voiced his theory to the Hokage and the ANBU surrounding his hospital bed.

The Third only sighed quietly and turned towards his doctor. The conversation was quiet but Sasuke could clearly hear the words 'trauma', 'delusion' and 'genjutsu' falling from the doctor's mouth.

A grim look passed over the Hokage's face, and he turned around, smiling sadly at Sasuke.

"Rest, child." The Third told him gently. "You will get better."

Sasuke slept lightly that night, and he could have sworn that he had seen a bandaged man looming over him while he faded in and out of consciousness.

The next morning Sasuke decided that it did not matter if they believed him or not.

He, Uchiha Sasuke would find his _beloved, gentle older brother_ and save him from the evil clutches of the true culprits.

* * *

Hatake Kakashi stared at the three children in front of him. A loudmouth, a fangirl and a conspiracy theorist who had bigger issues with accepting reality than he had himself.

Kakashi had not thought it to be possible.

He had no idea how to handle that.

How was he supposed to deal with a brat that refused to see reality and was obsessed with _saving_ his murderous brother?

Groaning to himself, Kakashi called in a few favors from his former ANBU friends and tossed the child at them.

Maybe they would be able to…talk some sense into him.

Needless to say, the genin was less than pleased to be handed over to a group of scary looking people and turned tail the moment he saw the masks.

He barely managed two steps before he got hoisted up by the back of his collar like an unruly pup.

Kakashi grinned at the grumpy child dangling from his new minder's grip and got a glare in return.

This rascal. Did he not know how much effort he had to go through to get his friends to agree?

"He is yours now," he informed the ANBU cheerfully and the group took off, taking the protesting child with them.

Kakashi pulled out a handkerchief and waved after them. "I'll pick you up in three months!"

He dabbed his eyes with the cloth. "Ah, it's so sad to see him go."

Then he turned to his remaining two students with a happy smile.

"Now, Naruto, why don't you make a clone, and we do some team training?"

The white-faced boy immediately obeyed.

His sensei was absolutely terrifying.

* * *

In retrospect, leaving Sasuke with ANBU had not been his brightest idea, Kakashi mused as he watched his newly returned genin effortlessly decapitate the puddle-nin.

The child had not only returned skilled beyond his rank but was also even more obsessed with uncovering the so-called Uchiha conspiracy that, according to Sasuke, encompassed him, his ANBU captors and several parts of Konoha's upper hierarchy.

Kakashi did not know if he should be more concerned about Sasuke seeing him as a conspirator or about the fact that the boy was viewing his stay with ANBU as _imprisonment_.

When Naruto loudly demanded to know how he had managed to do that and Sasuke just gave a vague answer including the word punishment, Kakashi decided that, maybe, he should have checked in to see just _what_ they were doing with him.

Oh well, it was too late now.

He'd just have to deal with a conspiracy-obsessed genin with the skill set of a freshly trained ANBU recruit.

He could work with that.

* * *

Or not.

"Have you considered that it might be a conspiracy?" Sasuke suggested, throwing a thoughtful look at the missing-nin and ignoring his sensei caught up in the water prison. "Maybe the Yondaime Mizukage is not evil at all and in reality, he is just being controlled by someone else."

"Maybe it's like the situation with my brother," the boy continued. "Everyone says that he has killed his clan, but I know it's not true at all."

"Your brother?" Zabuza asked curiously.

"Uchiha Itachi," Sasuke answered cheerfully and Zabuza lost his concentration on the water prison. "He's the best brother ever, you know. I am going to save him from his kidnappers and bring him back home. Then we can be a happy family again."

Zabuza slowly edged away from the delusional child.

* * *

"Sasuke, for the last time, " Kakashi groaned. "The chunin exams are not a big conspiracy made by other villages to overthrow Konoha! I can assure you; nobody is plotting anything!"

"I am still not taking part in it!"

_One month later:_

"It's Orochimaru! He's trying to take over the village!"

Kakashi decidedly ignored the smug look Sasuke was sending into his direction in favor of putting a chidori through a sound-nin's chest.

* * *

Itachi was prepared for many things when he saw Sasuke storming down the hotel's hallway to charge at him. He was prepared for his brother's rage. His disappointment. His hatred.

But he was _not_ prepared for the scream of sheer joy and the happy tackle that threw him to the ground.

Kisame watched slack jawed as his scary partner went down, a happy child practically climbing on him and muttering "Brother. I've found you!" over and over again.

Behind him Naruto sighed, looking unsurprised by his teammate's antics.

"Itachi…", Kisame began finally, disbelief in his voice. " _Who_ is that?!"

"My brother," Itachi answered plainly, staring in complete bewilderment at his brother, who proceeded to burrow himself into the missing-nin's cloak, clinging tightly to his waist.

"Your _brother_?!" Kisame repeated incredulously, still staring wide-eyed at the picture in front of him.

Itachi ignored him and instead tried to dislodge Sasuke. Why was he so _clingy_? So happy to see him? Itachi had murdered his parents and tortured his brother. _Why_ did Sasuke look at him with so much _love_?!

In the next moment Sasuke jumped up and glared furiously at Kisame, ready to battle. "Is that the one who kidnapped you?"

Any possible reaction was stopped by the sudden arrival of Jiraiya.

When the dust had settled, both Itachi and his kidnapper were gone.

Sasuke was furious.

Even more so when he heard about Akatsuki.

* * *

The next morning Kakashi found a note on Sasuke's kitchen table. It read:

_Gone saving my brother. Back when I am back._

_Love, Sasuke._

_P.s. Give the milk in the fridge to Naruto before it expires._

Kakashi groaned and left for the Hokage tower, grabbing the milk along the way.

* * *

Pain had no idea how the child had ended up at their extraction site, and he was even more confused when the twelve-year-old crossed his arms and fixed him with a surprisingly impressive glare.

"Are you the one who kidnapped my older brother?"

The cloaked figures standing on the fingers of a massive statue laughed in a mixture of amusement and disbelief.

" _Excuse me?_ " Pain did not know why he was even answering, but there was something so entirely surreal about this situation that he could not quite wrap his mind around it.

"I want him back," the child demanded. "Give me Itachi."

Pain blinked, his mind slowly starting to work again. "Itachi?" he repeated. "You are…Uchiha Sasuke?"

The child narrowed his eyes. "Yes. Where is he? What did you _do_ with him?!"

"I did not do anything with him, child," the leader answered from his high spot. "He is part of my organization. He joined us willingly."

Pain inclined his head into the direction of a cloaked figure. "Why don't you tell him yourself, Itachi?"

"You are indeed foolish, little brother," Itachi's voice echoed through the room.

"Itachi!" Sasuke's eyes lit up. "Where are you? Are you injured? Did anyone _hurt_ you? Do I have to kill someone?" 

Someone cackled loudly. " _Hurt_ him?! Damn, your brother is hilarious, Itachi!"

"Funny as hell, yeah," a second voice agreed.

"Seems like he is worried about you, Itachi." That sounded like the blue-skinned man.

"Enough," the leader ordered sharply, and everyone fell silent.

"Uchiha Sasuke," he continued, his heavy gaze falling on the boy. "I do not know how you have found us, but out of respect for your brother's loyalty, I shall not question you further and allow you to leave this once."

"I am not going without Itachi!" Sasuke answered grimly. "And I want you to know that I am aware of the Uchiha conspiracy!"

Behind him something shifted in the shadows.

A bright ray of moonlight fell through a crack in the cave wall and Sasuke blinked. "Annoying moon –"

Suddenly a figure appeared behind him and Sasuke barely dodged a forceful blow aimed at his head.

Itachi stiffened in silent fury.

An orange swirly mask appeared in front of the child, glaring fiercely at it.

Sasuke was very interested in the red spinning eye behind the mask. Uchiha.

"Have you ever considered it might be a conspiracy?" Sasuke asked, turning towards Pain. "Maybe that guy," he pointed at the masked man. "Is not who he pretends to be."

"How do you know?!" the man demanded sharply, taking a threatening step forward. "How do you know about me?! How do you know about the _Infinite Tsukuyomi_?!"

"Infinite Tsukuyomi?" Pain repeated, his voice dangerously quiet. "What are you talking about?"

\--

And that was how Uchiha Sasuke accidentally saved the world.

_"I told you it was a conspiracy!"_

**Author's Note:**

> And Sasuke saves the day!
> 
> I have no idea where that came from, but I just felt the need to write it. *xD*


End file.
